Procrastination, Writers Block and some Californication

I have written atleast half a dozen blog posts over the past 12 months and sadly none of them made past the draft stage/ “blog probable” folder on my laptop. And so my blog lays neglected ever since. I myself can not fathom to explain why I sat down to write something, gave a lot of thought over it and then simply abondoned it for lack of inspiration. Being the most lazy ass'ed person who accepts the fact in his own blog- too long have I blamed it on writer's block. Too long. I have always realised it time and again. You are the master of your own destiny, no one else makes you, nothing else matters. If I want to write something which I want to see getting published, I bloody have to keep writing till it actually gets so. Someday. Sometime.

I also began writing a short story for the first time ever- which has also stayed neglected for almost a year. More on that later.

So, here goes the piece which I began writing a year ago, and posting here without any edits. I am my biggest critique- and a very harsh one at that. I abandoned this post as I didnt like it without realising that this is the perfect way I would have liked it.

What actually inspired me to write this blog post is that Californication ended- for the uninitiated, it is a TV series. I have watched several TV shows from beginning to end. Some of the best and most thought provoking(in your face) being House MD, and Hannibal. But none of them enthralled me as much as Californication did.

Talking to a friend of mine about the show, and here's what she said, “Hank Moody is a commitment phobe, a drunken fool who thinks that he is above all, and fucks pretty much everything that moves.” I find that this is pretty much the common idea that most people have about the show. I concur that the theme is mainly sex, drug abuse, and rock n roll, but what most people miss out on is that all these are not central to the character. The central theme is love- always. Hank Moody has his faults, he is selfish, and an addict(well, almost), but he also is a romantic- a hopeless one for that matter.

The character of Hank Moody with constant references to (and inspiration from) Charles Bukowski, is that of a novelist/writer who made it big in Hollywood. He has the perfect girlfriend Karen, with whom in his own words he “lives in sin” and has a daughter Becca. The success and the pressure(read fame) which came with the job, somehow went to his head and takes a toll at his relationship with Karen.

It's not like Hank stopped loving Karen. But somehow, love got lost on the way. This is something which makes Hank realise that he did truly love Karen and keeps returning back to her. I found Karen amazing, she is portrayed as someone who plays this beautiful bohemian chick yet with a sense of responsibility and maturity which is inexplicable. The only character flaw I could possibly find is how she could always forgive Hank given his chronic fuck-up history with her.

The hedonistic lifestyle of Hank is what adds glamour to the show. “Bitch, thy name is temptation” is a filler for most of the plot. Temptation presents itself to Hank -far too often it seems, and tempts him, teases him till he actually strays off the beaten path. After having led him astray, it then comes back to bite him in the ass. He has no sense of grandeur about himself. He knows what he is, and loathes himself for being himself- something he admits to Karen way too often, sometimes even as an excuse.

I am here trying to convey- a mix of emotions trying to use as few words as possible, for there are too few that I can find. I empathise with the character, that is of course obvious if not already.

There might be several scenes which may be described as best in the show, but personally the one I really liked was the one where Hank blew a million dollar paycheck on an engagement ring, carrying it for months on end like a talisman waiting for the one perfect moment when everything just feels right, and then after a much predicted fight with Karen one day giving it away to a homeless person out of sadness.

Living Life: The Way of the Dunedain

 

People often remark that life is short. Be happy, stay focused. What these people will oft also reflect is that to do some things, they also had leave out some others which they had absolutely loved. For instance, giving up on some hobby like reading, travelling, playing a musical instrument, learning a new language. They often lament that how despite achieving a significant amount of success in terms of money, fame and even love. They had to give up on some things. Why?

There wasn’t enough time.

Last night I had an epiphany. I wished I were a Dunedain. Why?

Because they were tall, with dark hair, pale skin and grey eyes and benefited from longer life-spans (three times the life of a regular man) than ordinary men and could retain their youth until the very end of their days.


Fuck!

Thrice the lifespan and young till the very end! That is not just amazing, that is THE

DREAM!


In case, you still don't get the reference. The Dunedain- the Men of the West, were an ancient race in the Middle Earth who descended from the Numenoreans. All hail Tolkien! I love Lord of the Rings.

Currently, I

• Have books on my reading list, which if I were to read one book a day, may take me around 3 years to finish. And that is just reading them, thinking and talking about them will take an entire lifetime (a normal man’s lifetime, not the royally descended one as that of a Dunedain).

• I have enough music on my playlist that if I were to listen continuously to it 24x7, the playlist runs into years. With so many artist and their music still not discovered, imagine.

• Want to learn Spanish, and maybe French.

• Have projects/ideas which need time to implement and all my focus and energy.

• Maybe want to learn to play the piano or violin.

I want to do it all. I abso-fucking-lutely want to do it all. On top of this, I also want to enjoy doing it all. Sharing it with my friends, family and all the people I love.

Why we are as people limited by just one lifetime’s worth? We can only read as much, listen as much, and share as much.

Why?

The prospect of me thinking about all these things makes me excitingly happy and sad at the same time. Happy because these are the things I love. Sad, for obvious reasons and time being the limiting factor that I would have to give up most of these things.

My one and only wish is that whatever happens- whether I get to do it all or not. I just don’t want to have regrets. They say when you are on your deathbed, your life flashes in front of your eyes, I don’t believe it.

But, just in case.

If it happens, I want a brightly coloured neon sign which says, “NO REGRETS”.

It's your fucking fault

Satya Nadella became the CEO of Microsoft Technologies. Yes, this is big news for him. Fuck! This is the definition for big.

Yes. For HIM.

Not for me, not for you, and certainly not for India.

Simply, because he is a person of Indian origin, yes that is how they refer to themselves these days. He is just that, he is not Indian. He is as much Indian, as Miley Cyrus is.

Let’s talk more about what he is not.

He is not an IITian, which means he didn’t enter the great Indian circus of- get into IIT, get placed big, make your life. He didn’t. He did get placed, and made his life big though.

To come to think of it, if even eight years back when I was preparing to be a rat, if somebody had told me about this guy, I would have laughed him off. His own parents might have been disappointed when he went to the private MIT of India, where I still wouldn’t go, because it’s Tier 3.

Who’s having the last laugh now? Not me.

So, why the sudden rant on this guy, for whom I don’t exist? (And an inconsequential non-existence for good reason as well)

Because he reminds me, of what each of us can be. What we miss out while we bum and wait for things to happen.

As I write this blog post. I am currently listening to some of the best modern music on Pandora, by using Tor proxy network, while I reside in Delhi- the heart of India. Only in India you will find that people will proudly proclaim Delhi being the heart of India. Apparently, we proclaim pride that our so-called heart is biased to the right and not correctly placed to the left. But, it feels right, so I guess it’s okay to put up stupid metaphors which don’t even make a geographically correct statement.

But I digress. Let me return. Pandora is restricted when it comes to India. You can’t subscribe to this super awesome service which allows you to listen to music for free. You have to try it to believe me. But you can’t. Because you will have to hack, you will have to do things which might seem more complicated than simply typing Pandora.com in your browser window. Why do we have such an insane amount of bozos running this country like Rahul Gandhi who is now in his middle ages, still not married, and who can’t do anything without his mother censoring him.

Our system. Anything. Be it politics, educational institutes. Everything. Everything has been designed to keep people out. It’s an exclusive system, and not an inclusive system. It’s easier to get into Harvard or any ivy league insti than getting into an IIT. It’s even more difficult to get your kid into nursery school than it is getting into an IIT.

Every year, year after year of bullshit. We hear the same story. Things don’t change. They never will. People have to change.

And if you want to change. If you wish to make a change. Fuck the people. They will be there when you make it big, they will also be the ones who pull you down, and they will also be the ones who will bury you deep in shit when you fail.

Who would have thought about some guy born somewhere in India, going to college somewhere in India (because it’s not a place if it’s not IIT) making it so big that the world has to stop because and take a look.

You did it man. You made it! Congratulations!

This is my cue to shut down my laptop and go to sleep.

Science is one tough lady for a person to love. She is not only difficult, but treacherous- She will leave you when you need her the most. However, for most part, She is fun to be with. Eager to lead you on an adventure if and when you discover her. The affair for itself is oddly amusing- open for the world to know, and extremely secretive where only You and your Lady know the intricate details. More people have died loving her, than lovers in a conventional romantic relationship. They have fixated and spent maybe an entirety of a lifetime exploring just a single part of her. So much so for foreplay.

While at times frustratingly quiet, for it speaks without words. The universality of it transcends our life in perhaps every possible way.

Einstein once said that that the biggest mystery and perhaps the funniest thing about that mystery is that we are trying to figure out something of what we ourselves are a part of. It’s quite a simple an observation. Delving into the depths of it, it is maybe the most beautiful thing I have ever come across. Literally.

I am not a morning person, unless I have some business or lectures to attend to in the morning. I find mornings very unproductive. Everyone is busy with their lives. Going to jobs they do not love, working for people they do not like, speaking what they do not believe in, talking what is certainly not what they are thinking of.

Nights on the other hand, are quiet. Calm. Serene. Listening to violin, cello, piano or any piece of classical music, away from home, alone, taking in the cool wind is oddly overwhelming.

It has been about three months since I last updated. I scribbled- typed basically a lot of random notes and stuff. None of it makes sense. Why does it have to? Why does it always have to make sense? Why can’t we embrace the chaos? Maybe the biggest problem is that we try to make sense of chaos. That is the problem.

The problem is not chaos, but the way we look at it. In mathematics, either it’s a linear system or a non-linear system. Why the binary? Why not accept something for what it is rather than for what we are trying to project it as?

What is life’s greatest mystery that we are yet to uncover?

I was watching Person of Interest, a TV series that I never heard of and a friend suggested it quite recently. A character Mr Finch says, “I am hiding in plain sight Mr Reese, I am there for all to see, only nobody notices me”.

What secrets of the Universe lay hidden in plain sight? What is most apparent, yet no one has uncovered it? Is it still there, or has it been lost over centuries of squabbling over the trivial, or our own selfish need have made us so blind to what has been the obvious?

Run away. Ran far. Run till you can breathe no more, feel your legs will fall off. Run till there’s a searing pain in your stomach. Run till you can think of nothing else. Your mind is blank. That.

Just that.

The Missing Puzzle Piece

You often aspire for a lot of things-not necessarily materialistic; love, friendship, relationships. It’s like a constant search hardwired in your DNA. Everything and anything that you see around, things that appear to be perfect, things that are almost perfect, except for that one missing piece which fits into the symmetry of nature. You would admire it, maybe even acquire it, settling on a compromise, hoping that with time you’ll learn to do deal with it and the almost perfect will transcend into the perfect. But a little ways down the road, you’ll realise, that the missing piece of the puzzle was not missing, but it never was there, and is something that cannot be done without. For the puzzle is still incomplete, and there’s no fun in that. For all that is there to admire, but for that void, the nothingness, that empty space, is all that you’ll ever see and yearn to fill. Every now and then, maybe you would look at the puzzle, distracted by the sense of beauty that allured you once, you’ld be happy enough so much as to forget about the void. But the negative force generated by that void, is sufficiently great enough to overcome that happiness eventually ^[1]. The love, the happiness will eventually descend into the nothingness. And the puzzle will crumble into a million pieces eventually.

You’ll feel angry, and sad that it had to happen this way, but maybe someday maybe you’ll remember it with no regrets, and only the happen moments will flash before your eyes, and that it was fun. Life is oddly ironical this way.

I often surmise these thoughts with this quote from one my favourite books, Gone with the Wind:

 

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken--and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."

 

   

 

[1] This a practical physics result and has been verified experimentally. For any body which is perfectly symmetrical such as a hollow sphere, the integral force exerted at the centre by that missing piece is equal to the force exerted by the remaining body. It’s amazing how much physics actually holds true to aspects of life which otherwise can’t be quantified due to the absolute vagueness of idea.

 

Sunday!

Sunday is the best day in the week. Whoever created the days of the week was a total moron. Clearly, he lacked a foresight that some people would like to have more of “Friday” and “Sunday”. My Sunday’s are the most lazy-assed of the days. I hate working on Sunday- be it assignments or studying for tests. Whatever needs to be done, it shouldn’t be done on Sunday.

My Sunday begins with my morning newspaper which often leads me to think of the Origin of Life and Universe. If some people are to be believed then, ‘God created this World in six days and on the seventh he rested’. It further adds to my argument for not working on Sunday. I usually disagree with those people most times, but I guess they would be happy to know that on this occasion my thoughts are in sync, even if partially- though for my own practical selfish purpose.

Now this train of thoughts- makes me wonder, ‘What did God do on Sunday?’ Play golf with the Devil on some neutral cloud turf? Go out and take a stroll on water? Go on a long fly-by (I believe God wouldn’t care for cars) or simply catch-up on some zzzz’s?

Life in the Promised Land.

To come to think of it- am not sure about the existence of internet and other tech stuff, no malls- which means no bowling, or pooling. No movies, pizza. Beer would be a definite no. You can’t use money to buy things (money is substituted by goodness points) - you have to be goody-goody, which means no sarcasm either. Rise up early, go to bed early. Do all the chores, and you still have to be in line to get your licence to the  promised  “wings and the golden halo”. So till you get those wings- it means you can’t fly, assuming that apparition came later down the line of transport hierarchy. Plus, since you are an angel- you can’t click your fingers to grant yourself those wishes you always had. Why? Because it would a gross misuse of your power, and you lose out on your goodness points.

And after all this hard work- you wonder why you worked hard all your miserable life to be here, to be even more miserable.

So much so for a thought on a lazy Sunday.

Yeah, this is why I want to retire in Cuba or Hawaii.

 

PS: I have no idea about what I wrote above, and this is just 10 minutes past 12 midnight on a Sunday.  Yeah, Sunday is here!

A Writers Tale: India- of whims and woes

Yann Martel, a writer of Canadian origin, best known for his Man-Booker prize award winning novel, “Life of Pi” was in news recently for apparently to what some might believe for insulting India. This isn’t the first time someone has criticised India, nor would it be the last. But what remains a constant is the sheer vanity with which we rise to an occasion such as this to protect the sacrilegious notion that some uneducated yet enlightened few propagate as mainstream religious sentiments or as in this case national pride.

Martel was first in news in 2002 when his book won the prize, and what did he say of India then?

I have always loved India. It's a wonderful, horrible place. India is all lives in one place, India is all emotions in one place, it's an extraordinary, dazzling place, it's all the wonder and horror of life. There are stories that can be told only in India…There are things that are possible in India that aren't possible anywhere else. It's horrible in the sense that the rule of law is so arbitrary. But the upside is that given the diversity, it's amazing how it still holds itself together. It's a country that dazzles me because it's all of life.

In news recently again as his book has been adapted into a film by the same name:

“You know you can't fall asleep in India both morally and existentially - for better or for worse. In some ways, India is a horrible place. It's corrupt, violent; there are inequities that are disturbing. At the same time, the place gave us Mahatma Gandhi. It's a place of idealism and corruption,”

India is the best and the worst of humanity. There's lot of extremism. Sometimes it gets a little exhausting,” said the 49-year-old, adding, “What India brought to me was that for first time I actually and seriously considered faith. What does it mean to believe in Vishnu and Allah and Buddha and Jesus? Religion in India for better or for worse is still a mainstream thing right? It's worst in the extremism of BJP and Shiv Sena and like that but then it's also positive. Because I was in India, it got me intrigued by religion and that also led me to write Life of Pi and also changed my life,”

I am a proud Indian. I am, and there’s no denying it. I am not ashamed of my country despite its obvious shortcomings, and it does hurt what Yarn Martell said. Not because his views are derogatory or disrespectful, but because they are true. It’s the bitter truth. And Martell deserves some credit that he really sugar coated it. He said all this in a way which wasn’t degrading. He’s an outsider, a foreigner, living in India for say 2 years, the time during which he wrote the book, obviously influenced him deeply to change his life. Whatever his views, they might be influenced by people around him who might be biased, but it’s still the truth.

Ever since the comments surfaced, the country has been in a furore where talks have been to boycott the film or perhaps even ban it altogether. This, in a country where every religion teaches forbearance. The Bhagavad Gita is practically based on forbearance. So is Koran, and Bible. Something as sacred as Religion in India; does it actually take a dent in its armour, if some people chose to ridicule? If yes, is it really as strong as it was projected? And if not, is it really worth protecting then?

Most times people who are rioting don’t even know what they are there for. Talk to any seasoned Indian politician who loves his theatrics. And it’s the truth.

People are offended when an outsider calls India a corrupt nation. Don’t we ourselves do that every day? The current Congress government’s rule has been full of scandals, scams and controversies. I don’t side with BJP either. Given the power of opposition, had they been resolute they could have brought down the government. The scams which reached even the Indian Army, were not just gun powder, but nuclear fissible material. But no. They (BJP) failed even as an opposition.

Arvind Kejriwal, the new face of the Aam Aadmi- the Mango People, has constantly been branded as an agent of Congress when he defiles BJP, and vice versa when it’s Congress at the receiving end. I on the other hand believe he’s a Pakistani, ISI spy, and Anna Hazare the secret head of ISI, who has infiltrated India in disguise.

We can either keep denying it or fix it. Apple did it with their disastrous Maps. Why can’t we?

 

It has been a long long time, almost a month since my last post here. I intended to write an Independence Day special, but sadly I couldn’t. Not because for the lack of time, but for the lack of inspiration and other reason being that I couldn’t recollect my thoughts around. I was puzzled as to what I really wanted to write. I mean we get this day once every year, and year after year we read the same things- the struggle for freedom, how Pandit Nehru gave his famous “Tryst with Destiny” speech on Red Fort, Mahatma Gandhi’s assassination, the story of partition of India. Some people would write about how despite the shortcomings they still love India. Maybe some NRI would feature. It’s a routine. I however, wanted none of that.

Travelling in Delhi Metro every day is an experience. If you’re not judgemental, can stay calm, and do not suffer from claustrophobia, you’ll actually enjoy the ride when you observe other people. Their posture, expressions, how they constantly fidget, or behave around others. It’s interesting to hear about what they are actually discussing, makes you aware as to what’s on their mind, thus giving an insight to a total stranger.

But why did I just make this “Hanuman” leap from Independence Day to Delhi Metro? Because I had a sudden epiphany, that today India can somehow be described by Delhi Metro. It’s a symbol I feel which I can identify with.

For a country whose history actually pre dates the birth of Jesus, 200 years back from now, is like yesterday, where a certain sub-section of people were so alienated from society, that if a socially high ranking person happened to sight them, these people were actually flogged. A time, where education was only for the elite social class. People were actually taken as bonded labours, where they had no rights.

We have come a long way since then.

Now, the very sub-section which was looked upon (until yesterday), travels not only in the same train, but sits on the same seat with the “socially high class”. I personally believe that this is perhaps the single largest achievement that what was preached for a millennium in the name of religion, in a religiously fanatic nation such as ours, could make peace with it in mere 60 years.

However, enough of this parading. I didn’t intend to write this blog entry about how proud I am.

Travelling in metro. Allow me to return to that, if you will.

Scene-1

Metro stops at a station, everyone waiting at the station forms a crowd in front of the door to get in as soon they open. Everyone inside the metro anticipates the crowd’s intentions outside, and braces themselves to face the enemy. Where am I? I am feeling proud, as I manage to scavenge a seat for myself. The two teams meet, you hear a lot of swearing, abuse to one another’s sister, mother. Some “fuck you” in Hindi, sometimes Marathi and a lot of Punjabi. The women are groped, pregnant ladies are kicked, and everyone is pushed.

An elderly comes in leaning on a stick, looks around and sees a young guy smartly dressed with a leather bag, earphones plugged in, sitting on a seat reserved especially for the senior citizens. Before, I could actually get up and offer my seat, another elderly who was sitting on one of the reserved seats (there are two on every bench), beckons the one we are interested in. I pause myself. He asks the young person to get up. The person ignores. Another young man, with some notion of conscience, threatens to call the Delhi Metro police. The person still ignores, but takes of his earphones. Nothing would make him get up. Finally, I got up and offered the elderly my seat and walked away to another compartment.

Scene-2

I got to read this about on internet. Please read and share.

An excerpt.

Yesterday on the 1st of September, at around 7:30 in the evening I was coming back from college I took a detour from my usual route and boarded the Blue line of the Delhi Metro from Rajiv Chowk. Being used to this chaos everyday, I was warned by my companion that we should board the ‘Ladies’ compartment and not the ‘General’ compartment. The sensible arguments I gave were, firstly that it is a ‘general’ compartment and not demarcated for men, so no harm boarding it. Secondly, that they are humans and not ‘animals’. I lost the argument in the next few minutes.

I had to get off after four or so stations, so it didn’t seem like the decision was going to cost me heavily. Being surrounded by 50 to 60 heavily sweating men was a nightmare enough to take for one evening, but it had hardly begun. Throughout those 10 minutes that I was present there every part of my body was scanned in an inch by inch detail which made me feel like my sex was a curse with which I was born. The ordeal had started.
My
station arrived, I shoved my way with great difficulty to make it to the door
before it could close and during this struggle my top was pulled by a man to
expose my breast for a good 15 seconds while at the same time somebody grabbed
my behind. I was paralysed in shock. Nevertheless, I started pushing again and
finally reached the door and stepped onto the platform. I screamed my lungs out
at those 5 to 6 men who were standing at the door. I hurled abuses at them
which ideally no sensible Indian girl should utter even in thoughts, let alone
whisper.

For the full article please follow the link “http://urbangypsy1.blogspot.in/2012/09/i-was-molested.html”

All this led me to thinking as to what went wrong and where. Why all of a sudden have we as India’s young generation, the future, have lost all sense of respect and tradition. The very values that we rooted for are now traded for the trash bag that the West discarded. Whereas the West now looks towards us delving into our past, which once made us proud.

All of a sudden, I see that nothing matters to anyone anymore. The life has lost all meaning in the race to horde cash, and for what? So that they can drive bigger cars, eat in fancier restaurants, buy even more ridiculously expensive things and flaunt them around?

The guy who didn’t give up his seat. He wasn’t an idiot. He was smart enough to get a job in some MNC in Nehru Place, rich enough to have a luxury of an I-pod. And yet, an insensitive prick.

The guys who pulled the top of the girl in metro, what did they get? A few seconds of view of the glorious female anatomy, and some kicks while the leered at her and she hurled abuses at them?

Why?

Are we really free?

The Speaking Tree

Some days back, I happened to come across this article published through The Speaking Tree. Before you read further, I want you to think back- how back is not a parameter. An hour, a day, a week, month or decade- as much as you’ld like to contemplate upon. Think about what you did, and what you could have done. The regrets if any, the happy times, and the sad moments as well. Just think about it and read on!

1)     Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

 

2)     When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3)     Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4)     Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5)     Pay off your credit cards every month.

6)     You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7)     Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8)     It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9)     Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10)   When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11)   Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12)   It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13)   Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14)   If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15)   Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16)   Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17)   You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18)   A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19)  It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one  else.

20)   When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21)   Overprepare, and then go with the flow.

22)   Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

23)   The most important sex organ is the brain.

24)   No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25)   Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

26)   Always choose life.

27)   Forgive everyone everything.

28)   What other people think of you is none of your business.

29)   Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

30)   However good or bad a situation is- it will change.

31)   Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

32)   Believe in miracles.

33)   God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

34)   Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

35)   Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

36)   Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

37)   Read the Bhagavad Gita. They cover every human emotion.

38)   Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

39)   If we all threw away our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

40)   Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

41)   Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

42)   All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

43)   Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

44)   The best is yet to come.

45)   No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

46)   Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

47)   If you don't ask, you don't get.

48)   Yield.

49)   Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Life is complicated, not because it is, because we make it so. Give life a chance, and it will make miracles come true for you. Believe in yourself, good things will happen. If it’s not good, it’s not the end. Everything comes along in its own good time.

Summer of 2012

The Summer of 2012- the best and the laziest summer ever. The best and the worst thing about holidays- you can’t’ have enough of them, and when you do have them; you despise them for the inconvenience of having nothing to do. The eternally restless soul that I have, torments me.
So I decided to shake things up a bit on my lazy-assed schedule.

Having giving up on getting up early ages ago, I resolved not only to do so, but go out on jogging- a herculean task for me given that am extremely lazy and detest any sort of workout; but then I had already decided. My first day - catching the early morning dew, the chirping of the birds, and the first breeze; and I knew I would do it again and perhaps made a self-promise to make a habit out of it- a first for me.

It has been almost a month slacking and I finally have done what my Mom has been after me- making my own breakfast. And it’s not just toast or Maggi! Over the past week- I have experimented crazy with sandwiches. Making them crazier and more outrageous by the day! And then cometh the drinks for the breakfast- which necessitates my mention of the awesome “Chocolate Shake” which I seem to have perfected!

The rest of the day is spent on reading and catching up on old news and stuff I had earlier put on hold. Long ago I had made up a Charles Dickens reading list, and then I had to do away with it due to time constraints, but am back with vengeance:

1)      A Tale of Two Cities

2)      Oliver Twist

3)      Great Expectations

4)      Bleak House*

5)      Pickwick Papers

Have already read through the first three, and making progress with The Bleak House.

As to other pursuits- I recently downloaded the “Vikram and Betaal” stories which were originally aired in 1988 with Arun Govil playing the fabled king Vikramaditya and Sajjan Singh as the Betaal. I had always wanted to watch the episodes in serial order, something I never did uptill now. And the series is amazing!

To those curious about multiplayer gaming, I achieved what I believed was impossible for me- a 25 killstreak on a 300+ ping server on Game Ranger playing Call of Duty:4 Modern Warfare I. I can be found online every night from 2200-0100 hours for a match. My Game Ranger account id: 2453639. Bring your shotgun and body armour!

To the Stars...

It has been forever since my last post. It was one hell of a time with exams left, right and centre and it still is with many more to go (and not just the degree exams but some which are far more important- for my post graduation).  I’ve been trying to find words which would resonate with what I am feeling at the present. In times like these, I find solace in my long walks- alone or with friends though there aren’t any where I live- I have been most unfortunate in this regard. Though that is a different story- but whenever I think about it maybe I can best picture with “the forever alone” troll meme - but never with tears. I long accepted this reality and made peace with it.

But this post was not about my being alone. But how simple things which often go ignored sometimes bring more joy which nothing else can substituted for. The immense joy when you smile at an infant and he smiles back with nothing but sheer innocence, the early morning dew, the cool breeze in the late evening.

I distinctly recall from my childhood- when I was around 5 or perhaps 6 years old. My late Grandfather would wake me up at 5:30 AM in the morning and we would go in for an early walk. Those were the days when I had nothing on my mind- but eat, sleep and play. Nothing to worry, nothing which I would harp on for days and everything could be fixed. Times change, and people change too eventually.

The photographs below were taken in early March on a full moon night. My fascination for the night sky hasn’t diminished with age. I may no longer try to count the stars thinking that I completed one side and charting out the other side for tomorrow. But the calmness and serenity never ceases to amaze me. It’s almost a soothing balm.

The photo quality is poor as my Nokia E63 camera is quite primitive, but it still does make do jobs!

The little orb which shines next to the Moon is perhaps the planet Venus- the planet of love and the only planet which personifies a Woman in our otherwise male dominated Solar System.

Looking up at the night sky fills me with amazement and transports me even if momentarily to a world where there was nothing- before and after. The feeling has never in all these years differed from the state I just described. It has always been like this. In fact, having a personal collapsible telescope features on my wish list. Nothing is more amazing (and perhaps romantic) than star gazing!

"We were written in the stars, my love, all that separated us, was time, the time it took to read the map which was placed within our hearts, to find our way back to one another."